A strong B+

... is something I would be happy with in Grade School.  But it leads me to believe that there is more work to be done in the career that I've chosen.  Today had an opportunity to play out there in my chosen field, and spent a lot of time working on the material.  And my opportunity went well.  But Well doesn't  help me acquire work, and well is not what I expect out of myself.  That is what sucks about doing A+ work.  You expect to do that every time.  Kind of like golf.  Once you hit a shot well once, you should be able to do the same thing the next time and expect the same result, except you chunk it or slice it or realize that you are trying to hit the ball into waaaaaay to small a hole.
Luckily for me, and I say thing right now without really feeling it in my body, but I am happy to know that more work can be done.  "They ain't seen nothing yet." My competitive sports natured, "win and you did it right," attitude doesn't really apply to my career, so I have to adjust and learn new tactics.  And that can be hard to do at age ____.   Desire to do it though is strong. And each day it gets better.  And each day I learn a little something new.  That is what I am talking about.
On a side note when I went home for the holidays, which is in Maine where at one point the high temp was 6, my family's shower wasn't working properly.  It only allowed you to have a  hot shower for like 3 mins then would become very luke warm, not cold, just luke warm.  My father had no problem with this because he takes 3 min showers, something I have yet to learn how to do.  But 2.5 weeks of lukewarm showers helped me come to the realization that lukewarm is worse than cold.  Lukewarm keeps you in the shower hoping that it might get hotter.  Cold makes you just get out. Lessons to live by.

Forget self...

In reading through The mystic in the Theatre, I came across those words.  Forget self.  Meditation states it.  Athletes talk about it.  Artists strive to do it.  Forget self.  My wife seems to get it quite frequently, and maybe that is what is going to make her such a great nurse.  To forget self and ..... what?  Put others in front?  explore?  But I heard what I was reading this morning, and to overcome the fear of whatever you are going to do, most of the time that fear is of what others think, you must forget self.  What a grateful expression one can learn.

That was deep.  But I think I get it kind of.  It helps to have a greater purpose for all you do.  Forget self.  I like that

Nuther year to begin the begin

... whatever the hell that means.  Couple of things on my mind as of late.
1.  ( and I know that I am not supposed to ) I love using q-tips in my ears.  Never have any other use for them.  Why isn't that one of the uses labeled on the box of q-tips?
2.  Driving my Saturn and listening to any Tarantino soundtrack should somehow make it into a Tarantino film, because it's so un-cool that it's cool
And it is the beginning of a new year so it's time for my yearly blog. I guess that wouldn't make it a blog, more like a place where I go to say some shit once in a blue moon.  Last year, another amazing year.  Couple Series Regular's under my belt for a couple of pilots.  Looking forward to seeing what happens after that.  Biggest thing is reaching a goal of mine that was at sort of the top of my list, and becoming really really uneasy now that there is nothing else there.  What to do?  Re-discovered a mission statement.  Storytelling.  Period.  As honest as I am able to.  Period.  Every time I find myself thinking I should write that down, I don't.  Then when I get to write stuff down, it's gone and I just find myself kind of rambling on.
With my new found time, re-learning some old school stuff which seems silly, but great for brain power.  For example, when realizing that about 70% of the planet is water, I was dumbfounded. Then just felt plain dumb for not realizing that in the first place.  Cmon man.

the first time

... well, I thought I might put out there in my universe, that on Monday, will be the first time I test for a Pilot. It's just been about a year and a month since I started to work in TV, and now I am testing for a pilot. I'm not as nervous about it as I thought I would be, just because of some advice I received from a new mentor that I have. To keep my focus in the story. It's not about the result that I want as an actor, I fight for the result I want in story. And that has kept me in check. Life is absolutely amazing. Period. Possibly, I might actually write a bit after this all is done.

K

The year of the working Actor

cause it hasn't stopped since I last posted. Even though I can find frustration at every turn, not happy with this or that, I can't negate the fact that if at the beginning of the year I could state that by Oct 1st of this year I would have 5 Network TV credits, and 4 Network Commercials, I would say that I have had a pretty lucky year. Two Days ago, got the opportunity to work on Community, was fast and quick, but again in the year of building credits, I would say this was pretty nice. And yes i am in a diaper. Can't wait for the mom to see that. Also had my Toyota Regional spot that was only running in AZ get a good size renegotiation. For a brief moment, and I use the work brief, I am able to be very proud at the work I have been able to do this past 9 months. Some luck, some years of blood sweat and tears, and finally some people are giving me a chance. Still looking for that manager that I want, but again that might be a while on that part, or then again it might happen tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I got engaged. HOLY SHIT.

merica

Celebrations

aren't they fun? Just celebrated my one year, and when I reflect back on this past year of sobriety, there is so much to be thankful for. And I am. But my mind won't let me relax sometimes. I am tired of working at a restaurant and feel I deserve better. I have been extremely lucky to have worked at least once every month since November. And after shooting the pilot and an episode of Hot in Cleveland, I can greatly say that a roll I have been on. But, it never takes long for fucking frustration to settle in huh? Working enough? Not being able to get a mgr to take a look at my work. Not feeling like the work and relationships that I have been able to gain are worth anything. Isn't that fucking amazing. We work so hard to get to audition, to then get to play, to then book work, only to turn around and say, well that wasn't that big of a role, and any other new agent/mgr is gonna look at that and say the same thing. Knowing that I cannot say things like this, but struggling with the reality of it all, I am kind of at a stand still with it. And it feels like I might be a bit on the burnt out side. I spent all this research and time, made my lists, send out my letter, only to hear nothing. Damn. I told my gal Gwen the other night that I am tired of trying to convince the powers that be, that I am worthy of work. But again, it is times like these that I see the bottom of this roller coaster, and know it will come up again. Just breathe man. Breathe.

merica

Great meditations

man, today was such an amazing meditation. I learnt where my mind really lives. Now, that might take a few of you out to la la land, but I gatta tell you, when you don't drink, have problems with feeling alone, and let life really get you down, being able to find peace and escape in a healthy way, is really a gift. I made it through another week of some really hard work. Got out on a few commercial auditions, and had a great cd workshop. The past month, I have felt more present, more prepared, and ultimately better. I have really really enjoyed the process in the past couple of weeks. Thanks

'Merica