Great meditations

man, today was such an amazing meditation. I learnt where my mind really lives. Now, that might take a few of you out to la la land, but I gatta tell you, when you don't drink, have problems with feeling alone, and let life really get you down, being able to find peace and escape in a healthy way, is really a gift. I made it through another week of some really hard work. Got out on a few commercial auditions, and had a great cd workshop. The past month, I have felt more present, more prepared, and ultimately better. I have really really enjoyed the process in the past couple of weeks. Thanks

'Merica

so those last two posts were

failed attempts to post from my phone. Ahhhh technology. Well, last couple of days have been sort of trying. But something happened last night that made me realize just how tricky this journey really is. And again, I state that this career is a journey. When the path we are on becomes so dark, tricky, hollow, and downright negative, it can seem like the wrong path. What started out as such a joyous journey, light and full of excitement, has now become a struggle. It is this fucking roller-coaster that sometimes dips down to a depth that you never thought was even a part of it. My friend was there last night. And she is exactly someone who deserves to be doing whatever she should because she is that sort of person; loving and lighthearted. Like an otter. Ha. Ha. But she has been so engrossed in the negative from all sides of life, that she had no other option than to take a break from the career, which I found to be extremely helpful. Upon hearing this, I told her to do whatever she needed to do to get back to herself, and try other things. But if after taking this break, she finds one sliver of light that reminds her to want to act and pursue this dream, then please act on it. After all, that was what I found out. That no matter what I thought, after spending some time with myself and trying something new, that this was what I was supposed to do. This was my job. And unlike the other jobs where we punch in at 9 and go home at 5, we have no timetable. We might not want to stay. But that is our job. It is what we are supposed to do.

'merica

that last one

sitting in the waiting room

what a great start

I am not gonna start this off with a hey I haven't written in a while... but ... fuck I just did. Anyway, got my first television credit on Shit My Dad Says for CBS. Met Wil Sasso and William Shatner. Amazing story of how it all came about, and both show runners, Max and David, thought that I did really well. So well that I didn't get cut. And I got a couple of house laughs. How about that?

I really have been feeling pretty damn good these past couple of months. I tried to meditate every day for at least 30 min and I gatta be honest, it has really started to have some amazing effects. I wasn't able to keep up that that pace, but being able to come back to it has been really amazing. Also it just seems that I am really feeling confident when it comes to my auditions. I set up a system now where I workshop at least once a week, so I am gonna be auditioning at the bare minimum once a week. It one

Since my last post

... and I am gonna have to use some code for this to cover my ass in case people come after me. Imagine me having people come after me. Chemically, there was a big change in the past 6 months. And that ecstasty that I was talking about in the previous post, did happen, just not in the way I thought it would. I was right, this was the greatest year of my life so far. But it was also the scariest. When you have to really face yourself and look at what you really are, then you make a choice, and it happens to be the right one, amazing things happen. When you tell those who are truely close to you that you have issues, and you need thier help, amazing things happen. When you stop lying to yourself and take the necessary time to work on what really wasn't working, amazing things happen. This past year I feel I was given a second chance to really see what was working and not working in my life this past year.
Besides the bigger things this past year, a big one had to have been finding a faith that works. And trusting myself that it is important enough for me to take the time for it.
Career wise I again worked on some commercials. I broke into some theatrical offices. But mostly, I feel that I took a step forward in my confidence and my craft. Now to keep the ball rolling

It's always about a girl

that will make me sit down and write when I haven't written in such along time. And this time is really no different. The only thing that really seemed to have changed is the outcome. And I don't need to go into details about what happened, just know that it was a good thing. And it all seemed like something out of a movie. Now, most of the time, the movie that is life, doesn't quite have the same ring to it, or the ending isn't always the happiest. Not the case again in this situation. Nope this came on like a typical 80's movie where you knew exactly what was going to happen, and when it was going to happen. But last night I had that turning moment. Where in normal words, I stopped being a pussy and did what I was supposed to do. And that was after I really kind of messed it all up. I tried not to talk about it, and play it cool, but I had to explain why this girl was causing me to act the way I was. But I had to do it in a way not to over do it, no one wants that. You see it's the morning after and I can't even write what I am feeling. The stupid fucking moto is that eventually I think good things are going to happen to good people. At the time, you might find yourself punching the wet ground, completely in the most pain you've allowed yourself to feel in forever, because you don't allow yourself to feel, and at then a year later, you get it. Fuck if I know how it works, and why it has to be that tricky, but at this moment, after driving home on about 3 hours of the most amazing sleep I have had in a loooooong time, and after screaming at the top of my lungs stupid songs on the drive home like some 16 year old, after all of that, I am feeling something I haven't felt in a long time, and it feels like ecstasy.


and yes I had to spell check ecstasy.

Life is amazing