Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It's always about a girl

that will make me sit down and write when I haven't written in such along time. And this time is really no different. The only thing that really seemed to have changed is the outcome. And I don't need to go into details about what happened, just know that it was a good thing. And it all seemed like something out of a movie. Now, most of the time, the movie that is life, doesn't quite have the same ring to it, or the ending isn't always the happiest. Not the case again in this situation. Nope this came on like a typical 80's movie where you knew exactly what was going to happen, and when it was going to happen. But last night I had that turning moment. Where in normal words, I stopped being a pussy and did what I was supposed to do. And that was after I really kind of messed it all up. I tried not to talk about it, and play it cool, but I had to explain why this girl was causing me to act the way I was. But I had to do it in a way not to over do it, no one wants that. You see it's the morning after and I can't even write what I am feeling. The stupid fucking moto is that eventually I think good things are going to happen to good people. At the time, you might find yourself punching the wet ground, completely in the most pain you've allowed yourself to feel in forever, because you don't allow yourself to feel, and at then a year later, you get it. Fuck if I know how it works, and why it has to be that tricky, but at this moment, after driving home on about 3 hours of the most amazing sleep I have had in a loooooong time, and after screaming at the top of my lungs stupid songs on the drive home like some 16 year old, after all of that, I am feeling something I haven't felt in a long time, and it feels like ecstasy.

and yes I had to spell check ecstasy.

Life is amazing

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Broken Lizard

Well, about 3 years ago, I set down to set some long term goals and ways of reaching them. One of them was to act in a Broken Lizard Production. I loved thier movies, thought they were funny, and just the type of movies I would want to make. Well, less than two years late, then I meet one of the 5 main players from the group and get to do a little still shoot for him to help his presentation for Paramount. And you guessed it, he's just a guy. But how canny that I set something so long ago, thought, it would be impossible to ever get this goal, and two years later, one of my closest acting friends wife is best friends with his wife. and there you have it. On a small scale, but yet for yours truely, a victory. Now I wonder if it would have happened if I didn't set that goal. Maybe those goal setting things actually work.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

When you suck

Yep it just so happens that at some point in time you're gonna suck. Be it an off day, or something out of the blue, or nothing at all, just sucking. And I'd like to be a guru and tell you all that there is an easy way out of it, or that you don't have to worry about it, but I would be lying. I will say though that you should try and learn from it, so that the next time it happens you won't suck so badly as the first time. Really when you suck at something, it means that you either you weren't prepared, you don't have enough skill, or you weren't focused enough. All of which you can work on and get better. Here is the story of what happened to me.
Being an actor out here, and in the late 20's early 30's white guy category, means there are a lot of us around trying to get roles. Luckily there are quite a few to be had, but a lot of us working to get that part. For me specifically, I have had to work really hard to break down some doors. And my job once I get into the room, is to win the cd. Not to book the job, but to win the casting director. Prove to them, that calling you in was a good thing, and to call you in for the next job that you are more right for. (I know this seems weird, but it is true) So, first day back after the new year, I see a role I am perfect for. A co-star for a show. Not too big, but perfect. "First TV credit here I come." I prep it, know it, know what I am gonna do with it. Easy stuff. Then something happens. The guy auditioning right in front of me, after his read, is flagged down by the cd and told they want him back for call-backs. Now, this shouldn't throw me. I have gone through this whole thing time and again all over the place. But I don't really look like him. Stop it, just go in and do your job, show them what you've got. And what Happens? Nothing. I stink. I show them nothing that I wanted to show them, and feel like I come across like a green actor, of which I am not. On the page, all over the place. And I get in my car and I am pissed off. Thoughts of "when are you gonna take this seriously?" fall into my head. Could I have known it better? Yep. Fuck. Me.
So what do I do after all the poor me stuff is over. I re-evaluate the situation. 1. It probably wasn't as bad as I think, but I know that I was vanilla and looked over. 2. If memorization of material is sucky, become better at it. 3. Always talk your auditions over with a coach. 4. Know that the marketing material is doing something because the associate knew of me, and I had never met her before. and 5. Let it go. Evaluate, and let it go. Because you don't suck, you just got reminded of what you need to do. And like my friend said last night, "Don't worry about it, the show sucks now anyway and you don't want to be associated with that show. "
That was the first time I smiled about it.
Take that 2010