Celebrations

aren't they fun? Just celebrated my one year, and when I reflect back on this past year of sobriety, there is so much to be thankful for. And I am. But my mind won't let me relax sometimes. I am tired of working at a restaurant and feel I deserve better. I have been extremely lucky to have worked at least once every month since November. And after shooting the pilot and an episode of Hot in Cleveland, I can greatly say that a roll I have been on. But, it never takes long for fucking frustration to settle in huh? Working enough? Not being able to get a mgr to take a look at my work. Not feeling like the work and relationships that I have been able to gain are worth anything. Isn't that fucking amazing. We work so hard to get to audition, to then get to play, to then book work, only to turn around and say, well that wasn't that big of a role, and any other new agent/mgr is gonna look at that and say the same thing. Knowing that I cannot say things like this, but struggling with the reality of it all, I am kind of at a stand still with it. And it feels like I might be a bit on the burnt out side. I spent all this research and time, made my lists, send out my letter, only to hear nothing. Damn. I told my gal Gwen the other night that I am tired of trying to convince the powers that be, that I am worthy of work. But again, it is times like these that I see the bottom of this roller coaster, and know it will come up again. Just breathe man. Breathe.

merica